In Doubt
by BC24
Summary: This is the sequel of 'In Silence' (another Fic of mine) so if you haven't read it yet, you should do it before reading this one :) It takes place after Kensi and Deeks had their final conversation. There's a new case and some difficulties along the way for Densi. Something will happen and affect their relationship... I DO NOT OWN ANY NCIS: LOS ANGELES CHARACTERS OR RIGHTS
1. Chapter I - New Perspective

Alright, this is the sequel of my other NCISLA Fic: 'In Silence' :) Here's the first chapter! Hope you're gonna like this sequel! ^-^

There are some Twitter buddies I have to thank:

HeatonHussle, thanks for the 'old ice cream van' suggestion ;) You're awesome! And you were the one who convinced me to write this sequel! I swear, if it hadn't been for you... And your wonderful words... I wouldn't even have thought about a sequel :) You're simply wonderful and a great, great person!

cuttestnik, thank you very, very much for helping me with the offensive/silly nickname! You're amazing! Love to talk to you!

Really love you Twitter friends! You have been a great help and very nice buddies ;)

Please review and let me know if people are properly in character!

**I**

**New Perspective**

Almost three days had passed since Kensi and Deeks had had _their_ conversation and had made things perfectly clear between them and their relationship. Three days full of good laughs, honest smiles and true moments. Everything looked and felt like heaven, they were finally together and now there was nothing to read between the lines, they _said_ what meant and they _meant_ what they said. No more feelings, sentiments, emotions kept in silence or left unsaid. It even felt as if it was too good to be true.

It was morning and Deeks had just arrived at the bullpen, where his beloved Kensi, Sam and Callen already were; they were talking about some silly or funny thing, chuckling and laughing together.

When he got close enough, he put his bag down at his desk without saying a word and stood on his feet as he was organizing some papers. Silence settled down; the other three exchanged a look. They had no idea what could be the cause for such sadness. Something was definitely upsetting him and even concerning him, everyone noticed that; Deeks was not one to be quiet.

Sam and Callen got up in order to leave, they thought it would be better to give them some privacy; Deeks didn't even saw them, he was distracted grabbing the papers and wondering, but the more he wondered, the sadder he looked. Before leaving, the Operation leader looked at Kensi and did a small gesture with both his head and eyes as if telling her 'Go talk to him'. Though, he really didn't have to do it, she was going to talk to him anyway, she needed to know why he looked so down.

When G. and his partner finally left, she got up from her chair and slowly approached him, actually unsure how to start. – "Hey." – She began, with a very subtle smile.

"Hey." – He also smiled subtly, only trying to hide his sadness, because he didn't want her to worry about him. He was fine; he just wanted to forget _it_. And besides, there was no better way to start a day than seeing his favorite person on Earth smiling at him.

"You good?" – She asked in a low tone of voice, only to make the moment a little more intimate, just between them two.

"Yeah…" – He nodded slightly even though he himself didn't believe his own words. – "I'm good." – If he didn't believe what he was saying, how was Kensi supposed to do that? She simply raised her eyebrows a little bit at his response. – "Kensi-"

"What's wrong?" – She cut him off before he could even think about an excuse; she knew him and he was clearly not ok.

"Nothing." – He automatically exclaimed. Deeks didn't want to have any secrets, he wanted to tell her everything, but _this_ was something he definitely would not tell her about. It was bad enough to make him suffer… He didn't want her to suffer as well nor even by the slightest chance feel guilty.

"Nothing?" – She asked again, but still not believing his words.

This made him sigh slowly and thoughtfully while staring at the floor for some seconds before meeting her eyes once again; as if considering the possibility of telling her what was going on his mind. – "Nothing." – He then confirmed.

Kensi was quiet for a moment, but then something just crossed her mind and she spoke. – "Is it…" – Now she was the one staring at the floor. – "Something I did?" – The way she spoke suggested that she was in fact afraid and worried about the answer.

How could she even say that? – "Of course not- Kensi…" – He approached even more and sweetly kissed her forehead, which made both of them close their eyes; when he pulled apart, he did it in a very slow way and looking directly at her, holding her gaze. – "Absolutely not… You couldn't possibly…" – Their faces were very close so he almost whispered.

"Then what is it?" – It wasn't explicit, but there was a very tiny and slight touch of desperation in her voice, now she was even more worried and he was in fact scaring her.

"It's… It's nothing." – He wanted to talk to her, to open his heart, but he didn't want her to go through _this_ situation and feeling. There was no chance Deeks would even let her have the slightest _dream_ about this; it was better to simply forget and that's what he was trying to do. Although, she convinced him with her tenderness and delicacy, with her cute preoccupation. – "I- I just don't… I had-"

The usual and familiar whistle came from upstairs, cutting him off; both of them changed their attention to the blonde technical operator, waiting for his usual funny comment, though the moment asked for seriousness and not for fun. Kensi was still concerned and even after hearing him say that it wasn't her fault or couldn't possibly be, she still had the feeling that she had done something wrong.

"Case on deck." – He said waiting for them to follow him.

Deeks was on his way to turn around in order to follow the other surfer, but Kensi stopped him from doing so by speaking up in a hesitant tone. – "So… Um… Later?" – Her eyes were full of hope, expecting him to say 'yes', which he did; it couldn't be any other way.

"Later." – A tiny smile formed on his lips and he softly kissed her forehead again, remembering he was the one who started with the 'later' thing. – "Let's go, Kitty." – Exclaimed the detective, with a small smirk, only with the intention of easing the tension and making her laugh. She didn't laugh, but she definitely smiled and rolled her eyes.

"Hey, love-birds! Eggs cracking!" – Eric called their attention before heading back to Ops, where the rest of the team already was, waiting for the new couple to show up. His comment made Kensi and Deeks, the 'love-birds', frown and look at each other.

"That was weird." – The detective began as both of them started to make their ways up to the Operations room.

"Did he just…"

"Call us 'love-birds'? Yeah, he did."

"Never mind the 'love-birds'. Did he say…"

" 'Eggs cracking'? Uh, yep." – The detective raised an eyebrow as he spoke.

"That was…" – She stopped in order to find the right word, but Deeks finished her sentence and reasoning.

"Even more weird."

"Even for Eric."

"Very…"

As soon as the pair entered, they took their places next to each other and close to the central island; Kensi crossed her arms as Deeks placed his hands in his jeans pockets. The brains took that as a sign to start the briefing.

"Marcus Reynolds was found dead on his backyard. A neighbor called LAPD early this morning." – Nell made a bunch of photos appear on the big screen.

"Do we know what killed him?" – Kensi asked. It was definitely not a gun nor even a dagger; the corpse was too clean for that so it was probably some sort of substance.

"Negatory." – The blonde tech responded.

"Forensics is still on the local and we're waiting for the preliminary report." – The analyst explained.

"Alright, now the million-dollar question…" – G. started to reason, he was getting curious about the man who was killed, they didn't know anything about him yet.

"Who was he?" – Inquired Sam, finishing his partner's sentence and uncrossing his arms.

"Why on Earth did this man have an old ice cream van on his backyard?" – Deeks asked to no one in particular, raising an eyebrow; definitely confused and even a little bit shocked. Every team member without exception frowned and looked directly at him, some of them suppressing a smile.

"Really?" – Kensi began as she raised her eyebrows at him. – "From everything else… That's what you point out as strange?"

"What? You can't actually tell me that's- ok, you know what, don't worry if you can't see it, this is more of an expert thing." – He spoke, not only for Kensi, but for the entire team.

"Expert on what? Ice creams?" – The older agent asked in a joking tone, only to mess with him a little bit.

"I'll let you know that I have a _very_ refined taste, just for future reference." – Exclaimed the blonde surfer with a touch of pride while smirking.

Everyone smiled, but they knew very well they had to focus. It was time to solve a case and not to play, even though they would prefer to, all of them without exception.

Eric cleared his throat and started, though still with a soft smile on his face. – "So… Reynolds was a former Marine." – He began to explain some details on the man who had recently been killed. – "He dedicated his entire life to serving the country. However, a month ago, he was dishonorably discharged due to insubordination and inappropriate behavior."

"Uau, impressive." – Deeks spoke up while raising his eyebrows, but he wasn't in fact surprised. – "Towards who?" – He asked.

"That would be Lawrence Simms." – The female analyst proceeded with the briefing while she made a photo of said individual also appear on the screen, as well as some documents related. – "He was also dishonorably discharged, just like Reynolds. They were in the same unit and they had… Quite a historical together."

"What do you mean?" – Inquired the older agent while frowning. Maybe they were close to finding a suspect.

"Meaning, it got to a point where they couldn't even be in the same room." – Nell's explanation made Sam raise his eyebrows in a surprised, though, concerned way. – "Constant discussions, regular threats…"

G. looked over at his partner and spoke. – "You think he would kill Reynolds?"

"Maybe. But over what?" – Sam knew it was a possibility, but he couldn't really see a good motive, at least not yet.

In that moment the blonde detective's unusual mind started to properly reason and think, even though it was just in a way of easing down the tension, because it's really something he never liked. – "Principles, revenge…" – Then they looked at him; his ideas made sense and they were waiting for him to go on, but this time only silly things came out of his mouth. – "Football, soccer- those are actually very plausible reasons… Maybe he stole his girl…" – Deeks spoke with a wondering voice as he frowned slightly and stared blankly.

Callen smiled a little bit; only Deeks to even consider such options like those ones. – "Ok, you two, love-birds, will talk to Simms-"

Kensi opened her mouth as to say something, but Deeks spoke in her place, after chuckling, also cutting Callen off. – "You know what that is? That right there, my friends, is called 'jealousy'. Don't worry, Kitty, they're just jealous. Don't listen to 'em." – The LAPD liaison smirked; his unexpected comment made the rest of the team chuckle and smile. It was almost impossible to keep cool after hearing such reaction, especially from Deeks and his unique mind and brain. Either way, the Operation leader was simply goofing around and trying to provoke them. Now that they were together the team had found some new 'material' to mess with the pair and they had to admit, it was being so, but so funny.

The female agent rolled her eyes and suppressed a smile while shaking her head. She in fact didn't mind the new nickname; it was actually kind of cute.

"Sure we are." – Sam told him in a joking and slightly sarcastic tone; he just wanted to mess with Deeks.

"Oh, absolutely." – Callen exclaimed in the exact same way.

"Come on, canary." – She told her partner, smiling subtly, before starting to go towards the door.

"Wait- seriously? 'Cause if I'm gonna be some sort of a bird it should be an eagle." – She stayed in silence and just chuckled in response, still making her way out of there. As Kensi didn't answer him, he spoke up again. – "What- Kensi?" – It didn't work; she was 'ignoring' him deliberately. – "Kens? Kitty? Princess…?" – The blonde surfer grinned; now he was going after her and following her out of the Ops centre. Callen, Sam, Nell and Eric could only laugh at the situation; those two were the funniest couple ever, as well as the cutest.

"Alright, we'll check out the crime scene." – G. stated, still with a subtle smile on his features due to the previous events. – "Keep us posted." – Then the Operation leader uncrossed his arms and spoke to the 'brains' as he was going towards the door, with his partner right behind him.

"Will do."

"Sure." – The pair quickly responded before sitting down on their chairs and taping incessantly on the keyboards.

Some moments later, Nell spoke up, almost to herself and in a really low voice. – "I think they're cute." – Eric, who was caught up out of guard, frowned; he wasn't following her line of thinking, because he had already focused his mind on the case and finding more evidence and leads. – "Like a perfect match…"

"What- Callen and Sam?" – The technical operator inquired with confusion in his voice as he looked over at his 'partner'.

"Kensi and Deeks." – She exclaimed; of course it wasn't Callen and Sam. The female agent and the detective were the new couple among the team, so of course she meant them.

"Oh…" – He finally understood and was now feeling slightly stupid for even thinking about the two male agents first. Though, after wondering for some seconds he made his point. – "Well, they could be cute too." – This only made Nell raise an eyebrow questioningly. – "If Callen had Kensi's silhouette…"

"Which is probably not gonna happen."

"Or Sam had Deeks's uncommon mind…" – He continued and now they were both smiling.

"Also… Not gonna happen."

Then both of them chuckled one last time before changing their attention back at the task they had in hands and to their computers. Only until the technical operator opened his mouth and whispered. – "Wonder if we'd be that cute…"

She overheard him, but didn't exactly understand his words. – "What?"

"What? No- nothing. Just… Searching… You know- the… Thing." – He stammered and suddenly got nervous.

"The _thing_?" – Nell raised an eyebrow at his response; she noticed his sudden nervousness and now she was curious.

"Yeah- you know… What Callen told us to search for." – Eric cleared his throat; he was clearly out of his comfort zone.

"Hm hm… Of course." – She responded sarcastically and suppressing a smile before turning her attention back at the computer screen and rolling her eyes.

While Eric calmed down his heart beat in Ops, the rest of the team was on their way to where they were supposed to; the older pair of NCIS agents was inside the Challenger heading to Marcus Reynolds's house, more specifically, his backyard, the uncommon crime scene.

Sam was driving, as always, but he had a thoughtful and confused expression on his features; he was still trying to figure out some things and facts that didn't make any sense, at least in his head. – "Something doesn't feel right." – He muttered.

"Let me guess- the old ice cream van?" – Callen managed to say with a small smirk while changing his attention to his partner as soon as he heard him speak. – "I agree. Totally suspicious. We should probably take it to the boatshed, I bet it has a lot to say." – This new 'love is in the air' feeling was very inspiring and it was definitely inspiring Callen this morning.

G.'s partner shook his head and smiled. – "Apart from that."

"Meaning?" – Now Callen was speaking in a more serious tone of voice, it wasn't time for joking; they had a difficult, and in fact strange, case to solve.

"I don't know G., this all sounds…" – Sam couldn't define the situation neither find the right word.

"Too obvious?" – Callen finished his partner's reasoning; he always knows what's going on his mind.

"Yes…" – The older agent agreed.

"Maybe Simms is being set up."

"Yeah, or he could also be playing us."

"Either way, I bet he's very happy now."

"With Reynolds out of the way." – Sam exclaimed while making a simple nod. Silence settled down, but only for very short moments. – "Oh, and, G." – He began. – "Don't do that again." – The older agent spoke as a small smirk formed on his lips; he was trying not to laugh.

"What? The 'ice cream van' comment?" – The Operation leader inquired with a slight indignant voice.

"You're starting to sound like Deeks." – Sam joked.

"Well… Can't feel indifferent to this new magic in the air."

"Can't argue with that. There's a different atmosphere."

"Wonder what the love-birds are doing right now."

"Probably _not_ talking about the ice cream van."

"Good call." – Callen chuckled.

"You think they talked about this morning?"

"Sure hope so." – And he truly meant that, all they wanted was Kensi and Deeks to be together and happy.

The love-birds were indeed _not _talking about the ice cream van; in fact, they were on their way to Lawrence Simms's house and they were _not_ talking at all.

She was driving as Deeks, as usual, was simply trying to find a good subject to talk about; and he knew they had to talk; they were interrupted by Eric and his whistle earlier at the bullpen. He knew he should just go ahead and tell her, but he couldn't. It was too bad and it hurt him just to even remember… So Deeks decided not to mention it, at least for now. They would talk about it, yes, but like she said previously, they would do it later.

Unconsciously, Deeks started to whistle in a low way, which reminded him of the 'birds' issue this morning and then he finally decided to speak; he had finally found a good subject. – "Really?" – This caught her attention; Kensi raised an eyebrow with no idea what would come out of that unstable mouth of his' this time. – " 'Canary'?" – Deeks smirked; he didn't even have to say anything else. She got the message and understood his point. – "Seriously?" – The LAPD liaison inquired with a slight indignant tone.

It was definitely not the best nickname, she had to admit, but it had been the first that came to her mind earlier when they were in the Operations room. – "I don't understand what your problem is." – She exclaimed with the sudden smile that invaded her features. Of course she was still worried about him, she loved him, he meant everything to her, but she also didn't want to push anything nor force him to talk against his will. Kensi would wait until he was ready. He trusted her and he'd talk when he wanted to or felt like doing so.

"I just don't think that 'canary' suits me." – He responded.

"Trust me, it does. To perfection actually." – She herself didn't like the nickname that much and he was right, it didn't suit him, but she just wanted to mess with him, go down _their_ road once again and sort of make him feel better, make him forget whatever it was that was upsetting him, even just for a while or only for some moments.

"It doesn't get the best of me- my essence." – Deeks couldn't help but grin.

"Can't see why." – Kensi was now smiling widely too at his comment; her words made him chuckle instantly. – "No, no- just think of all the similarities."

"And what similarities would those be, Kens?"

"You whistle, you sing, you even eat organic food and seeds and stuff…" – The female agent looked at him to see the expression on his face. – "Should I go on?" – Kensi smirked.

"Alright, my diet, Ms. 'I Could Never Own A Bakery 'Cause I'd Eat All The Stuff Myself', shall not be discussed."

"Hey!" – Kensi exclaimed, slightly offended.

"What? I'm not the one who eats a ton of chocolate in less than 2 hours. You know what- I'm seriously worried about your health. You're like a 'sugarholic', Kens."

Suddenly, due to the content of his last comment, a thought crossed her mind. – "Oh, my God…" – She said, with a slight touch of surprise and shock.

"What?"

"Wait- are you trying to say what I think you're trying to say?"

He frowned; now he was totally confused. – "No… I'm not sure- I don't know. Am I? What am I trying to say?"

She simply gave him _the_ threatening look without saying another word, which after some short seconds made him realize what she meant and was talking about. However, Kensi wasn't even that angry, she knew he didn't mean to put it that way and that he would never say something like that. Again, she was just teasing him in order to see his reactions, because after all this is who they _are_ and how they _deal_ with each other.

"Oh…" – Deeks began as he finally got her point; he absolutely would never tell or even think she was fat nor anything related. For him, she was perfection, pure perfection. He knew she wasn't in fact angry at him, but still he wanted to make clear that he would never be capable of such thing. – "Oh, no… No, no, no, no, Kensi- definitely not."

"I suggest you choose your next words wisely." – The female agent had a very subtle and slight smirk on her face.

"I swear I didn't mean to put it that way. I wouldn't even dare to think of such thing." – He was looking at her and as she was smirking he couldn't help but smile a little bit too, though, he meant everything he was saying.

"Just shut up, Deeks." – She managed to say while parking the car near Lawrence Simms's house.

"Hey, come on…" – He exclaimed as both of them got out of the grey Cadillac in order to go towards the entrance door.

"No way back now, Shaggy." – She smiled softly.

"Ok, first- thank you for _not_ saying 'canary'. And, Kens…"

"Don't even start."

"Kitty…" – A small smirk returned to his features.

"Stop. For your own good."

"Why? What will you do to me?" – His smirk grew bigger.

"Trust me. You don't want to know."

"Oh, trust me. I do. Tell me."

"I'm not gonna tell you." – Kensi was doing everything she could not to laugh.

"The hell you're not. Tell me."

"No."

"Tell me."

"Hum hum." – She nodded in disagreement as she was still trying not to burst into laughter, though, her lips ended up forming a really genuine and sweet smile.

"Tell me." – Deeks spoke as he suddenly tickled her belly.

Her reaction was to simply giggle and laugh a little bit at his unexpected touch; she really hadn't seen that coming. – "I can't believe you just did that." – Kensi was 'recovering', slightly laughing.

He was still laughing a little bit as well. – "Sorry, I know. I'm sorry. My mistake. It was totally inappropriate."

"Thank you."

"We're at work. We should be focusing, we have a case to solve and…" – Deeks then caught her out of guard once again; he grabbed her and started to tickle her, like really tickle her. Kensi wasn't even capable of punching him even if she wanted to, because he had been so quick and so 'out of nowhere'. They had to stop walking, she was laughing so much she couldn't even move and Deeks was having so much fun watching her happy expression.

"Stop, please! Deeks! Stop, stop, stop…" – She could barely speak.

He heard her weak voice and indeed stopped; his 'revenge' was complete. Poor Kensi, she needed to breathe. – "Alright, I'll stop. I'll stop…" – He let her go. They were in front of each other, Kensi was trying to regain her breath as Deeks was simply staring at her, grinning, thinking about how lucky and happy he was at that very moment; his eyes were full of passion.

Suddenly, and without even realizing, the blonde detective placed his hands at her waist while his lips gently, with every possible emotion and love, met her forehead. Kensi was calmer now and both closed their eyes at his gesture. He then placed his forehead against hers so that both their foreheads and noses were touching delicately and sweetly.

"Deeks…" – She exclaimed in a low voice.

"Hm…?"

"Deeks." – She called him back to Earth.

"No, don't say anything…" – He whispered. – "You're gonna ruin it." – At that both of them chuckled slightly.

"We have work to do." – Kensi told him as she pulled apart and opened her eyes.

"Do we?" – A smirk invaded Deeks's features.

"Yeah, we do." – Evidently, she didn't want to go either, but they had a case to solve, a complicated one, they needed to focus and concentrate, and be at the top of their game; she spoke as she slowly took his hands off of her waist and resumed her pace. – "Come on, Retriever."

"Alright, ok, fine… We'll do it your way." – He sighed and started to follow her. – "You're the boss, Kens, I'm just a blonde and- let me see- sexy and very hot vassal knight at your service." – He exclaimed with a giant smirk and it only made her roll her eyes and smile; they were definitely very happy.

Short moments later, once they finally reached the entrance door, Kensi knocked and a man quickly came to open it; his face didn't look very friendly.

Before the guy could even say anything to send them away, Deeks spoke up while both of them showed him their badges. – "Detective Deeks, LAPD. This is Special Agent, Blye, NCIS. May we speak to you, sir?"

"Why?" – Lawrence Simms inquired, frowning; they could tell by the look at his face he had no clue about what had happened to his once Marine colleague.

"He really doesn't know, does he?" – Kensi asked Deeks.

"No, I don't think he does." – He answered her and even now it was clear, everyone could see the passion in his shining eyes; he felt so happy just standing there next to her and he simply loved their _little_ moment outside previously.

"What are you talking about?" – Simms was getting scared, but at the same time curious as well; they were building it up so much, who could resist the temptation to know more about the subject?

While the love-birds talked to Lawrence Simms, their prime suspect at the moment, Callen and Sam arrived at the crime scene. They found some stuff belonging to Reynolds on sort of a table Forensics had displayed there. Among lots of papers and cigarettes, they found a cell phone, totally broken.

"This might have been a cell phone on its former life." – The older agent muttered as he held the supposed cell phone on his hand and took a closer look. – "We should take this back to Ops."

"Eric's gonna love it." – G. exclaimed, smirking.

"I still don't get his thing for stuff like this."

"Just like I don't get your thing for that glove."

Sam frowned; he was still holding the cell phone, but lowered it. – "What glove?"

"You know- that Jackson thing glove." – Callen was just messing with Sam, but it was doing a great effort on him.

"G., it's a glove worn by the King of Pop himself."

"Still a glove." – Now he was messing with and provoking his partner on purpose.

"Ok… Alright- you know what?" – The older agent began a little sarcastic, but always in a joking tone. – "Don't worry, G. You'll never understand the real meaning and true essence of it. It's more of an expert thing." – Only after saying that Sam realized it had been the same sentence Deeks had used that very same morning.

"And you say _I'm_ starting to sound like Deeks." – G. exclaimed while smirking a little bit, which resulted in his partner smiling and chuckling as well; it was a clever line, he had to admit.

"_Touché_." – Sam managed to say.

The two partners kept the cell phone in a small plastic and transparent bag before heading back to the Challenger and then back to the Operations centre, where they hoped to get some more clues, leads, information and help from the 'Dynamic Duo'. Though they didn't find anything relevant, not even from the Forensics team, at least they had got a cell phone and it could turn out to be very useful; besides, everyone was still waiting for the preliminary autopsy report.

Meanwhile, the love-birds were interrogating Lawrence Simms, whom, despite the innocent and surprised expression on his very arrogant face, was still their prime suspect.

"Listen, I had nothing to do with it! I swear! How many times do I have to repeat?!" – Lawrence responded one of Kensi's accurate questions.

"You two were not exactly best friends." – Stated the LAPD Detective.

"That's true. We didn't like each other, no! We didn't get along, no! We hated each other, yes! But I've never been, I am not and I will never be a murderer, alright?! And I _didn't_ kill Reynolds!" – Simms was getting angry and actually slightly nervous, he was being honest and he was telling the truth. He didn't like Marcus Reynolds, not a bit, but he couldn't be accused for something he, in fact, wouldn't be capable of doing. Lawrence Simms was a lot of things, but _wasn't_ a murderer.

"If you don't mind us asking… Why all the anger? Why did you two…?" – Deeks was interrupted and cut off by the tempered suspect, leaving him no chance to finish this obvious question.

"I'd rather not talk about that, Detective." – The man had furious eyes, though, his voice was now low, grave and calmly scaring. As Simms said that, Kensi and Deeks noticed they've reached a fragile point in the conversation. – "Listen, I didn't kill Reynolds nor had anything to do with it…" – Seriousness was spread across the man's features. – "I've had enough of this. Now if you'll excuse me…" – Simms made a slight gesture with his hand, suggesting the two partners, and now lovers, to leave the house and leave him alone, which they did after a silent nod and exchanging a look.

As soon as they stepped their feet out of that house and such atmosphere, the blonde surfer spoke up; they were walking towards Kensi's grey Cadillac. – "Uau." – Deeks muttered as he raised his eyebrows. – "I wonder why he and Reynolds didn't get along, seems such a nice guy." – He exclaimed both slightly shocked and sarcastically.

"Now imagine spending your time with him every day."

"Yeah, must have been rough. He's not exactly the easiest guy to deal with."

After thinking for short seconds, Kensi muttered. – "Simms is clearly weird and definitely hiding something, but I don't think he's our guy."

"Wanna share, Kitty?"

"He's too coward." – She told him somehow in a way as if it was an obvious thing.

The LAPD liaison frowned and smiled slightly at the same time. He was so proud of her; sometimes he really had no clue about how she knew or could notice such things. – "How do you even know that? No, wait- I got it. It's a sixth female sense thing, isn't it?" – He grinned and his comment made her chuckle instantly in response. – "Hey, uh, just for curiosity, what does your sixth female sense has to say about me?" – Deeks inquired while opening the car in order to get in it.

"Honestly?"

"Of course."

"I still have no idea." – A small, yet true, smile formed on her lips; he could only smile back, he loved her and just seeing her smile made him happy, especially knowing that he was an essential reason for such joy. He couldn't define what he felt every time he saw her smiling or laughing or simply looking at him; it was something so special. Maybe 'love' wasn't enough to describe it.

Then they finally entered the car and started to make way to the NCIS headquarters so to meet with the rest of the team.

**The End of Chapter I**

So what did you think? :)


	2. Chapter II - Painful Memories

Well, here's the 2nd Chapter! :) Finally :P  
Really hope you like it, it's quite an emotional Chapter...

Once again thanks to HeatonHussle (My Twitter Sister) for all the help and great ideas! You are incredible, my friend!

And thanks to my Real Sis! nightingaleC17! LOVE YOU! And thanks for all the great support! You're always there!

Please review ^-^

Enjoy!

**II**

**Painful Memories**

The Operation leader and the older agent were downstairs at the bullpen, in the computers area, along with the blonde technical operator as well as the female analyst, whom were trying to bring the supposed cell phone 'back to life'; it could contain precious and very useful information.

Meanwhile, the detective and the female agent, or the 'love-birds' as everyone seemed to call them now, had already called them and told them what they had discovered about Simms. They arrived from the former Marine and prime suspect's house and joined the others; Sam and Callen were quiet so not to disturb or distract the pair of 'brains'.

"Hey." – Kensi greeted her team mates.

"What's up?" – Deeks asked; he didn't know they were concentrated nor trying to focus.

G.'s partner brought his finger up to his mouth, as if saying 'Shhh', which made Kensi frown and Deeks raise an eyebrow at the four of them.

"Surgery time." – The Operation leader explained while smirking.

"Oh…" – Kensi said, raising her eyebrows.

"Uau…" – Exclaimed the LAPD liaison, also raising his eyebrows. – "So… How's the… _Patient_?" – He inquired as he tried not to laugh, but ended up smiling.

"That's it!" – Eric spoke up suddenly and instantly, with an enthusiastic voice, after hearing a low and little beep coming from the computer system. – "We did it." – He spoke to his 'partner'; one day they'd have to definitely face the truth about their partnership, because if they were not partners, then I don't know what on Earth they were.

"Yeah, we did." – She exchanged a look and a smile with him and then they raised their hands, clapping them together in a high five in a very cool and stylish way; previously they had talked about Deeks and Kensi, but they were very cute as well.

"Alright, so…?" – Callen interrupted the geniuses' moment.

"Ok, so we got access to every phone call record, text message, photo, camera video… Pretty much everything." – Nell began.

"Now, analyzing his phone call records in particular, one number pops out." – The Wizard of Ops was speaking while tapping the keyboard and doing his magic as usual.

Eric found the phone number and immediately Nell started to search for its owner. Brief moments later, and due to the Dynamic Duo's experience and professionalism, they got a match. – "This number belongs to Natalie Stevens." – She said this a little surprised, because they had no idea who this woman was nor how she could be related to Marcus Reynolds's death; nothing on her personal files or documents suggested whatever it was about them both. Then young Ms. Jones brought up a photo of said woman so the others could see how she looked like. – "She's an accountant and she works for the International Bank in Los Angeles."

"Why was Reynolds calling her?" – Asked the detective as soon as he saw her face on the computer screen.

"I guess you're about to find out." – The Operation leader smirked at Deeks; meaning, 'you two go check it out'.

"Addresses-" – The technical operator tried to tell them, but the other blonde surfer cut him off.

"I know, I know- addresses on our cell phones." – Deeks then turned to his favorite person on Earth. – "Alright, let's move, Kitty-Kensi." – And then he smirked as well, which resulted in Kensi rolling her eyes. They then started to make their way outside.

He loved to call her that, it was a special _thing_ between them, even though it had surged when she was in the hospital, even though those days were something he was still trying to erase from his mind, head, and heart, something that still made him suffer every time he remembered that awful, torturing and agonizing moment; the moment when Patricia Taylor shot Kensi. He couldn't believe how it still had such a sad and negative effect on him. He definitely needed to forget it and get over it, because Kensi was now fine and, above all, she was _with_ him.

While Kensi and Deeks made their ways to the car and then to the new unknown strange woman's apartment, the others moved up to the Operations centre.

Callen was completely driving insane, in a calm controlled way though; he wanted and they needed to know what happened to Marcus Reynolds, the former Marine. So far the only things they knew was that Lawrence Simms was a coward and hated him and that Reynolds had been calling this new woman, this Natalie Stevens.

"Hey guys, we have just received the preliminary report." – Nell spoke up, alerting the others in the room, as she was holding her touch pad; the two partners exchanged a look and then focused on Nell once again so to listen carefully. – "According to this, Marcus Reynolds died due to high levels of Diacetylmorphine in his blood, which in other words is-"

"Heroin." – Hetty interrupted the young analyst and finished her sentence while entering the Operations room.

"Yes." – She confirmed in a low voice.

As soon as the petite figure walked in filling the air with tension and doubts, the older agent made his point. – "This is actually not very conclusive. Only brought up more doubts."

"He could have bought it from a local gang or- in the worst case scenario, a drug cartel." – Callen spoke up. – "Either way… Hetty, I have a bad feeling about this." – The Operation leader told the small and wise Operation manager.

"Indeed, Mr. Callen, indeed… But right now we _must_ focus on the woman."

After a quick silent moment of increasing tension and doubt, the older agent looked over at Callen and muttered. – "Let's hope Kensi and Deeks are luckier than us." – His partner only sighed thoughtfully and slowly in response.

While the team kept wondering and thinking about the drug and the people behind such crime and death, Kensi and Deeks were inside the car, heading to Natalie Stevens' apartment; as usual, they were arguing/fighting/flirting once again.

"Wait- so you're saying that my car should have a nickname?" – Kensi asked almost bursting into laughter.

"I'm just saying it deserves a special treatment. You have a nickname, I have a nickname… Even Nell has a nickname. I mean, look at the Challenger- it's the name, more than the car." – The filter between the brain and the mouth had been somehow deactivated and the sentence simply got out of his mouth.

Firstly, she made a slightly shocked expression and then she spoke. – "I'll tell Sam you said that." – She smirked mischievously.

She was trying to provoke him and tease him in order to ease the tension from the case and especially from _that_ morning, but, unfortunately, it wasn't working that much.

He changed his attention from her angelical face to the car window; Deeks was smiling, yes, but slowly and unconsciously his own and beautiful smile faded away as his expression grew serious and even sad, he looked so thoughtful. He couldn't help it, he just couldn't; _it_ was still inside his mind and no matter what he did it wouldn't go away. They haven't talked about what was upsetting him yet, and she was still worried, after all they were now together and all she wanted was to see him happy and to _make_ him happy.

Though, he was still thinking about it and the more he tried to forget it and deal with it, the more he remembered it and the more he suffered inside. He had to take that out of his chest, he needed to tell her, at least so she wouldn't think he didn't trust her, because in fact she was the person he trusted more than anything and anyone.

The detective ended up not answering the female agent. – "What- no comment?" – Exclaimed Kensi; as he didn't answer, she looked over at him and noticed his serious and thoughtful expression. – "Hey." – She began. – "Deeks." – Still not a word nor any kind of answer; the blonde surfer was very absorbed into his thoughts. – "Deeks." – She tried to bring him back to Earth with her calm, low sweet voice and this time it finally worked, he heard her and changed his attention back at her, following her voice and coming out of his dark thoughts. Her concern was clear. Kensi was almost sure it was related to this morning and what they _almost_ talked about at the bullpen.

He sighed slowly and thoughtfully in response while averting and looking away from her hypnotizing eyes before speaking. – "Um… Kens…" – Deeks started and Kensi only exchanged a look with him, without saying any word. – "Listen… I had a-"

"You don't have to do this." – She stopped him before he could say _it_; Kensi spoke without even realizing and properly thinking. Of course she wanted to know, she loved him, but it was clearly difficult for him and it was making him suffer; she didn't want him to talk against his will and she couldn't see that hurt expression upon his face. She would be there for him either he wanted to talk or not.

That simple sentence brought back so many memories from the hospital, he had told her that exact same thing when she began to thank him for simply being there for her and now she was the one saying it to him. Deeks wanted to forget Kensi was _ever_ in a hospital, but no matter what he did he kept remembering that awful and torturing day, either because of some specific words, like this moment, or because of his long bad dreams and dark nightmares. – "I… Don't?" – This made him look over at her; he wasn't expecting to hear that.

Kensi took some seconds before speaking; she was also new at this and at showing and expressing her emotions. – "Look… If you want to talk… Then I'm here for you, but… If you don't want to talk… I'm still here…" – And then her eyes finally met his'. – "Deeks, I'm not going anywhere." – She said that with such a subtle though pure smile; the detective was simply so touched by her gesture and words. His eyes were sparkling like two bright shooting starts and he just couldn't look away; he was staring tenderly and passionately at his favorite person on Earth, his beloved Kensi, his world, his everything. – "Ok?"

"Ok…" – He spoke in a very low tone and now with a pure and genuine little smile on his lips as well.

Ms. Blye parked her grey 'Without a Nickname' Cadillac in front of the woman's house; it wasn't a very big one, but her garden sure was. The love-birds got out of the car, but short moments after they started walking into its direction Deeks stopped and spoke up, he had to say that, it was stronger than him.

"Hey, Kens…"

Only after hearing his voice she stopped and turned around, realizing he had stopped his pace. – "What?" – She inquired innocently as she approached him.

With one hand Deeks held one of hers and with his free hand he grabbed, touched and subtly stroked her arm. The distance between them grew shorter; they were a mere whisper away from each other when he finally decided to open his mouth and speak. – "You're great… Thank you…" – And as he said that he was completely and totally focused on her, simply her, his eyes couldn't look at any other thing but hers.

Both staring at each other; Kensi wasn't even able to think, her brain had just stopped somehow, because this is just him, this is Deeks. She was amused by his… _Way_, so to speak. The way he speaks, the way he acts, the way he _is_… _His_ way… _Deeks's way_…

He suddenly realized his favorite person on Earth was blushing, which made a smirk to form on his lips. Slowly and seductively, truth be told, the blonde surfer's mouth approached her ear; only then he whispered. – "You're blushing…" – Deeks pulled apart so to look her in the eye again, with the smirk still on his lips.

She suddenly forgot how to speak, think or even breathe and, as the tension between them kept increasing, she _had_ to look down; Kensi felt so nervous that this was the only thing she managed to do. The female agent was definitely not used to hearing or experiencing such cute and sweet things and she didn't know how to react, especially when _he_ was saying them and expressing them with such passion, in such a low tone, through a very short distance.

To blush was actually the only response she could have, even if she did it unconsciously.

The detective softly lifted her chin so to face her and look into her brown orbs once again, to hold her gaze. He understood everything, he knew he had to tread lightly and be patient with Kensi, though, there was something he had the urge of making clear. – "It's ok to blush, Kens…" – His calm voice echoed through her ears, through her brain, through her entire spine, through her heart.

After a very long and silent moment, and because Kensi ended up not saying a word (again), Deeks made a simple nod, questioningly, almost as if asking 'Is that clear from now on?'.

Agent Blye reacted, she regained consciousness of the world; she nodded slowly in agreement, with her eyes still fully focused on his'. How could he have such an effect on her? She'd do everything and anything for him, and indeed she'd try to be less shy and timid when it comes to feeling I guess. Kensi just need _him_ and more time.

This beautiful moment ended when Deeks tenderly kissed her forehead. Yes, 'ended', because then the familiar and silly smirk returned to the messy blonde-haired surfer's features. – "Uau." – He exclaimed and she had no idea what he was talking about now. – "And I barely said a word…" – Now his smirk grew even bigger; he was simply messing with her, provoking her, trying to ease all the tension from their previous emotional and heartfelt conversation. In their case, a conversation was never _just_ a conversation.

Kensi finally smiled and also rolled her eyes. – "Oh, please." – She resumed her pace and he automatically went after her. The female agent was just pretending to be annoyed, but- was Deeks bragging? Well, he could definitely, at the very least, feel proud of himself, not everyone can make Agent 'Badass' Blye blush, much less make her blush _and_ verbalize her emotions on the same day.

But two could play that game. He followed her and his comment led them down through their banter and bickering road, as usual. – "Look, if I _really_ wanted to make you blush, I'd have said the '_L_' word, Kitty." – The LAPD liaison made his point still with his unique smirk on his lips, which made his favorite person on Earth smile widely in response; she was doing everything not to laugh. – "What- I'm just-"

"Wait." – She cut him off.

Deeks wasn't allowed to finish his sentence, because, all of a sudden, both heard a woman's voice coming from inside the house; it was a desperate voice. They carefully grabbed their guns before exchanging a look with each other and speaking with their eyes; their lovely expressions gave room to serious and concentrated ones.

The love-birds got into action and split up after checking the front windows of the house; no one to be seen. Each one, then, took a different way outside, though, they were both headed to the backyard. Kensi went through the right as Deeks went through the left, both ready to fight or shoot whoever got in the way.

Someone, suddenly, showed up assaulting the blonde detective. Kensi didn't know he may need her help, they had split up, so she was able to proceed her way towards Natalie Stevens' backyard. The man was quite strong and tough, but after some great efforts and properly using his head, Deeks managed to grab and to hold, as tightly as he could, the guy's neck with his arm, leaving the individual no possible chance to breathe. The surfer silently placed him on the ground and kept walking.

The moment Kensi Marie Blye finally reached the backyard another guy appeared and attacked her. Her gun ended up falling onto the ground as she and the criminal fought intensively.

When Deeks got there all he saw was a man literally taking Kensi down and aiming a pistol at her angelical face. They couldn't really see him, because he was standing right at the corner of the unknown woman's house, but he did have a perfect clear shot.

He had his gun aimed at the enormous guy, though, suddenly, he just couldn't move a muscle, he couldn't even breathe, his heart had stopped as _everything_ came, once again, back to his mind. _Everything_ he had been trying to forget, _everything_ that had been upsetting him, _everything_ that he was about to tell Kensi at the car: his nightmare and his painful and hurtful memories.

His eyes turned into little and fragile crystals. This was too much. This was too much for his poor little heart to handle, too much for his soul to take, too much for his eyes to see. For him, the whole world had stopped somehow, as well as time.

He felt his heart tearing apart into thousand little pieces inside of him as dark images kept invading his now scared soul. He kept seeing _it_; that awful, agonizing, frustrating moment when the bullet reached Kensi's body and she fainted in his arms somehow.

Flashbacks were getting confused, darker, and he felt an incredible pain right down on his chest when he revived his nightmare one more time: Kensi getting shot… And _killed_… It was devastating, torturing, it killed _him_ and it hurt him as anything has ever had, in a very slow and silent way.

As these images kept repeating and haunting him, his fear grew in an overwhelming level, he could almost touch it. All he felt at this cruel moment was pain and fear; Deeks couldn't even _imagine_ his life without her, he felt lost, alone, while his completely afraid and broken heart gained a total new rhythm as he was still in a parallel universe.

It all happened so fast and so slowly at the same time; Kensi managed to get on her feet, grab her gun and keep up the fight. She was without any doubts an excellent agent, an amazing fighter and, most of all, an impressive woman.

Right at the same time and unfortunately, Deeks only got out of his trance state when and because a third criminal man surged from behind him and beat him on the head with every possible strength, which made the blonde detective pass out and fall on the ground like a rock. The guy took a syringe out of his pocket and injected it through Deeks's neck.

A shot was finally heard; Kensi had finally got rid of the big guy and the sound of the trigger spooked the other one, who dropped the syringe and ran away for his life before Kensi could even aim her Sig properly at him.

She couldn't believe what her eyes were seeing and her face went pale; she quickly ran into his direction and approached him, kneeling on the ground, right next to him.

"Deeks." – Her voice was weak and it took her everything she had not to cry at that precise moment. She was carefully slapping his face, trying to wake him up, trying to _bring him back_ to her. – "Deeks, talk to me. Deeks…" – Kensi noticed the syringe lying next to his body and got even more concerned about her partner's life. – "Deeks, wake up. Come on… Please… Deeks… Don't do this to me…" – She was doing everything she could and she was very nervous and disturbed with all this already.

The detective didn't say a word nor make any sign; he was totally unconscious. Kensi used the ear piece to call Ops and talk to Hetty, whose voice was heard within short seconds. – "Ms. Blye?" – The petite feminine figure inquired with an apprehensive tone. Everyone in the Operations room got worried and changed their attention to the wise small woman, waiting for her to say something, to explain them what was going on.

"Deeks is unconscious, I need an ambulance now." – Only now the thought crossed her mind, but then again, she was so nervous that if anyone asked her her first name she wouldn't probably know the answer. She quickly leaned two fingers against his neck, confirming the worst. – "Hetty… He has no pulse…" – Though she tried not to show it, her nervousness was clear in her voice.

The next four hours were simply a hideous torment for every single member of the team, with 'every' including Assistant Director Granger, who was also fearing for the detective's life. However, and obviously, Kensi was especially nervous, impatient, it was Deeks, her partner and her love, that was unconscious in a hospital bed. Not to mention they all almost died of fright; Kensi thought her heart was going to jump out of her chest, her entire world came down and collapsed when she touched his skin and didn't feel his pulse. It was quite a miracle the detective was still alive.

As for the woman, whose name was Natalie Stevens, she had already been taken to the boatshed. Callen and Sam were now at the hospital, that terrible place, along with the Operations manager waiting for Kensi to tell them something about Deeks's condition.

The room was horribly and frightfully silent. She was standing next to him, waiting for him to wake up, so afraid of what could have happened; even now, after all the shock and fear were gone, Kensi was still wondering and wondering, hoping his magic voice would fill the emptiness in the air, but especially in her heart, at any second.

The moment Deeks slightly moved his head and eyelids, the female agent remembered how to breathe and exhaled while approaching him. He was waking up, finally, and she couldn't feel more relieved.

Her heart was beating fast and, when his eyes met hers, she spoke up with a calm and hopeful tone. – "Deeks…"

"Hey…" – The LAPD liaison responded with a weak voice while looking at her now less worried features.

In fact, Kensi didn't know what to say. They kept staring at each other _awkwardly_ for a long moment. – "How do feel?" – She asked.

"Normal… I guess…" – Deeks was slowly waking up and regaining consciousness of the world around him, but something didn't feel right. – "My head hurts…" – He frowned slightly. – "What happened?" – His voice was still low and slightly weak.

"You were…" – She had to stop, because it hurt. It hurt to even think that he could now be dead and she fought back the tears that started to form on her eyes. – "I… You…" – No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't say those words or repeat those awful events in her head.

"Wait…" – Deeks exclaimed. Kensi did _not_ see that coming; his next words killed her and broke her heart, turning it into little, fragile and lonely pieces. – "Who are you…?"

Had she just heard what she thought she had just heard? – "Deeks… Please, tell me you're kidding…" – Everything fell apart and it got so hard to fight back her tears; she wanted to cry at that very moment, that was all she wanted and could do, but she did not let a single tear roll down on her face. – "Deeks…"

"Sorry… I…" – Deeks felt nothing but guilt and seeing her suffering like that made him the saddest man alive while his eyes got a bit moistened as well, just like hers. – "I wish I was…" – The surfer's voice was so weak; he was fighting back his feelings and tears.

The female agent looked down, then at the door and then back at him; she felt lost and bewildered, lonely and afraid, with no idea what to say, tell him, do or think. Kensi slowly turned around and started to go towards the door while a small yet hurtful tear rolled down her cheek; she didn't have the courage to stay there after _this_. It hurt way too much.

"Please…" – Deeks tried to call her attention and to make her stay there with him, after all he enjoyed her company, her _presence_, but it was useless. She didn't look back and continued her way out of there. – "Don't go…" – As she was basically gone, he said this almost whispering.

When Ms. Blye got out of the hospital room, the others got up from their sitting positions, except for Hetty, who never sat down in the first place. Kensi cleaned her tears as fast as possible, trying in vain not to look sad or weak, and though they didn't see the actual tears, they understood she was definitely not alright and that something had surely happened inside that room.

"So?" – G. began. – "How is he?"

As she didn't say anything, Sam spoke up, now worried not only with Deeks, but also with her. – "Kensi."

The female agent kept in silence, still shocked with the situation she had just experienced, which made Callen talk. – "Kens? What happened?" – He was starting to worry as well.

She looked at each one of them, as if trying to make any sense out of all that and actually out of everything around her, before simply going away without explaining them Deeks's state of lost memory. She couldn't believe it was true anyway.

The two partners were on their way to go after their 'baby sister' when Hetty interrupted them. – "It might be better to leave her alone, gentlemen."

Both Callen and his partner exchanged a look with each other and then with the wise feminine figure. After that, Sam made his point. – "This can't be good." – He muttered and then sighed thoughtfully, with preoccupation.

"It certainly can't…" – Hetty's eyes were full of concern and wisdom.

**The End of Chapter II**


	3. Chapter III - Catharsis

**III**

**Catharsis**

Deeks was physically alright, fortunately. He had been injected with some type of substance, but thank God he was ok and didn't need to stay in a hospital, which was actually very good; this meant he could go home, he could go to work, he could _see her_ again.

On the next day, and after the detective got released from the hospital, he was at the NCIS headquarters, more specifically at Hetty's office speaking with the mysterious, enigmatic and very wise Operations manager. She was trying to make him see, and convince him that going home was his best option, at least for now.

"Hetty, I can work on the case." – Deeks exclaimed, even though they both knew perfectly well it wasn't entirely true; he had partially lost his memory, he had forgotten every single detail about the woman whose name he couldn't remember, no matter how hard he tried. However, something inside of him told him and he felt he _should_ remember her, _especially_ her, more than anyone else around him. – "I'm fine."

"Are you?" – Hetty simply inquired; she was worried about the surfer's current condition, it couldn't possibly bring good nor pleasant results. Her question made Deeks look away from her, as he fought back the sudden emotion that invaded his features, and sigh thoughtfully and slowly; he wasn't able to respond to her, words wouldn't come out. There's no possible way of fooling Hetty, he himself knew and was absolutely sure he wasn't fine. – "That's what I thought." – She spoke as he ended up not answering her short though _deep _question.

"Listen, Hetty-"

"I don't want you here." – She cut him off before he could tell another lie, he was fooling no one but himself. Deeks remained in silence, waiting for her to proceed. – "I want you to go home."

"But-"

"That's an _order_, Mr. Deeks." – She spoke calmly but firmly, leaving no room for discussion, after all Hetty was almost as a mother for them, she just wanted her team, her agents to be alright, she cared about them all and Deeks definitely needed some time and space. – "Come back when you feel ready."

Deeks sighed again, absorbing the Operations manager's words, realizing there was no way to convince her or change her mind about this, but above all, Hetty was right, Hetty was always right. He wouldn't be able to focus on a case when he had lost an _essential_ part of his memory and of his life… _Her_. Why her? Why did he have to forget everything about her? Why _just_ her? With an enormous and giant number of acquaintances why _only_ and _simply_ her?

He realized he indeed should go home and try to at least get some rest; he needed time to think, he needed time to figure things out and to decide what he was going to do next, he _needed_ to remember _everything_, his past with her, his story with her, his relationship with her… _Her_. – "Ok…" – The detective finally muttered while nodding slightly, but still averting the petite feminine figure's stare. The LAPD liaison got up from the chair he was sitting on, though, when he was about to just turn around and leave, he changed his attention back to the Operations manager. Deeks _had_ to ask that, he desperately needed to know, it was driving him insane. – "Um, Hetty…?" – He began with a low hopeful, yet shaking, voice.

"Yes?" – The small mysterious woman responded in a very calm way.

"What's, uh… What's…" – He stopped, because he didn't know how to ask such thing, he felt so confused and so lost not knowing who _she_ was.

Unique Ms. Lange, whom always knows everything there is to know, understood his unspoken question and doubt; as if she had just read the blonde surfer's mind she responded him. – "It's Kensi."

He really hoped that hearing her name would or could bring some light, some answers, but it didn't. It only brought up more doubts, confusion, and a hurtful sentiment to his heart and soul.

The expression on his face was pure sadness and those eyes were almost tearing. How couldn't he remember her name? It was such a beautiful word. – "So that's her name… '_Kensi_'…" – Guilt and a strange longing were lurking in his voice as he almost whispered. He had to fight back the unexpected and sudden tears that started to form on his blue crystal puppy eyes.

Hetty's reaction was to simply nod subtly and slowly, in fact there was nothing she could tell him now, there was nothing that could possibly make him feel better or help him, because all he needed and wanted right now were his memories back.

Deeks exhaled and only then he actually turned around in order to leave. When he was approaching the bullpen, he had to pass it by before going outside, he saw Kensi; she was standing on her feet, next to her desk. She looked at him and he looked at her, they held each other's gaze. Thousands and thousands of thoughts crossing both minds, but not a word was pronounced.

Kensi still couldn't believe what had happened to him, she couldn't believe he didn't remember her, and it hurt so much, for both of them. She kept looking at him, hoping it was just a nightmare and that he would remember everything and call her all those 'annoying' pet names again. And he wanted to remember her, he felt he should, he felt she was a very special person for him. Even if his head didn't remember her, his heart sure did.

They stayed like that for quite a while until she just couldn't take that silence anymore and slowly left the bullpen; she went away with tears in her eyes, which made the blonde surfer close his own and sigh, painfully and guiltily, before leaving outside and going home, only to lie down on his couch, in the dark, and think, question, try to answer the million doubts he had… That's it. He needed answers and he needed them fast. He wanted them _now_, at that precise moment. He wanted every single memory, every single moment he had spent with her to come back to his mind, but he also wanted her, he wanted _her_ right next to him at that very moment.

At the NCIS headquarters, a case still needed to be solved and, apart from the blonde detective, the team was all there. The Operation leader went downstairs and approached the frightful and enigmatic woman's office.

"Where's Deeks?" – G. inquired.

"I sent him home." – Hetty answered with her usual and characteristic calmness.

Callen stopped for a second; he realized the detective wouldn't be much of a help right now, with his current condition and psychological state. – "Yeah, that's probably the best for him. I'm sure Deeks has a lot to think about and deal with, right now."

"And so does Ms. Blye…"

Kensi was at the firing range; she thought that maybe after shooting for a while she would feel better, she thought it could help her release her frustration, sadness and anger.

The team needed to go to the boathouse in order to speak to Natalie Stevens and Sam went to search for Kensi so they could make their way there. He found her, but didn't enter the firing range until she had stopped massacring the targets and removed her glasses and ear protections.

Kensi was totally focused on her own thoughts and didn't notice the older agent, only when he closed the door and stood behind her with his arms crossed, though she didn't even bother starting a conversation, she was too confused and hurt for that.

"You ok?" – Sam finally broke the ice and asked, though he already knew what Agent 'Badass' Blye would say.

"Yep. I'm fine." – Kensi responded with a forced normal voice while she was in vain trying to do something to her gun.

Sam stayed in silence for some seconds before speaking again. He knew she was suffering, but she could count on them, she didn't need to go on pretending she was well and fine, they were all friends there, they were a family. – "We're heading to the boatshed."

Honestly, she just wanted to be alone, all by herself, without anyone asking her questions, especially about if she was alright. – "I'll meet you right away." – The female agent muttered.

He sighed. – "Ok." – Sam said; the older agent thought it would be better not to push too far, Kensi had never been one for talking about her emotions and even though this was being hell for her, she wouldn't open up about her feelings. He then approached her and touched her shoulder friendly and fondly. – "Kens… Just for the record… We're all here for you if you need."

She didn't look back at him, in fact she didn't do anything besides nodding, because emotions started to come back to her eyes once again, and since she's Kensi Marie Blye, she fought them back, as always.

After the female agent got herself together and calmed down, she met Callen and Sam, and they could finally make their ways to the boathouse so to start with the interrogation they had to wait so long for, due to the previous, hideous and sad events.

When they reached the boatshed, Kensi quietly approached the plasma TV screen while Callen and Sam went towards the interrogation room, where their suspect, Natalie Stevens, was already waiting. She didn't know who she was going to talk to, she didn't understand anything of what was going on, but she was definitely waiting for someone to show up there, looking for her.

As usual, the Operation leader sat in front of the suspect and the older agent stood on his feet while G. began asking all the right questions with his own unique way as he also placed a folder on the table and opened it so Stevens could see the photo inside it.

"Know this man?" – Callen inquired.

She took a look at the picture and the expression on her face told them she recognized him. – "I… I do." – She probably didn't want to give the agents any kind of explanations, but she definitely knew him. – "What happened to him?"

The two partners exchanged a quick look with each other, after that Sam spoke up. – "He was killed yesterday morning." – He explained to the (still) mysterious woman, noticing this was unknown territory; these were freshly bad news to her.

"What…" – Natalie thought she was going crazy and that her brain was somehow playing tricks on her; it kind of drove her to think and actually pay attention to the two men in front of her. She spoke with tears forming in her eyes and it took her everything she had not to let them stream down her shocked features. – "You're… Kidding, right?" – A mixture of fear and hope in her voice.

"You really think we would joke about something like this?" – Asked Callen, frowning slightly; she clearly had no idea who she was talking to, but that wasn't in fact her fault.

"I don't even know who you are." – Her tone, now, suggested that she was very tired, sick even, of being there; she just wanted to walk away.

"Far enough." – G. stated; his face was serious, not showing any sort of emotion. – "Agent Callen. Agent Hanna. We're Federal Agents investigating Marcus Reynolds's death." – Maybe now she would speak. They needed to gain her trust little by little, that was their only way. – "Your turn."

Although, it didn't quite work, she just kept in silence and they were beginning to think she had something to hide, she had something to do with the former marine's assassination, but at the same time it didn't match with her previous reaction, it had been very veracious, she got too devastated about his death. Well, that or she was a very good liar, but honestly the two partners were not considering that possibility.

"Not talking." – Sam muttered. – "Interesting…" – Said the older agent, raising his eyebrows, while lots of other doubts hovered through the tense atmosphere.

"Perhaps we should take a different approach."

"Look…" – Natalie Stevens finally opened her mouth after a long silent pause. – "I got _nothing _to tell you." – This woman spoke with such a tone, as if she had just lost her will to live, as if she had nothing else to lose now after _his_ death.

"So that's how it's gonna be?" – G. inquired, trying one last time, though, he didn't receive a single word as answer, her look, face, expression were enough to be sure she wouldn't say anything, no matter how hard they tried. – "Ok." – Callen muttered and nodded slightly as both agents began to make their way out of there and to the main room of the boathouse.

"She knows something." – Callen exclaimed while him and his partner approached Kensi, who definitely was not having the best of days and surely had a lot to think about apart from all the things related to the case. – "But she's not talking."

"Maybe if she spoke to another woman…" – Said Sam, looking at the female agent and trying to catch her attention; her body was there with them, but her _mind_ and _heart_ were still completely focused on her partner. She kept pretending she was fine, but she _wasn't_ and she needed at least to get distracted with something, for her own good.

Kensi listened and it got her out of her trance state; she looked at both of them and after some silent seconds, processing what they had said and hiding all her weakness, she spoke up. – "Yeah. Ok. I'll see what I can do." – This said, she went towards the interrogation room, entered, and started a conversation with Natalie, always careful and professional, especially _trying_ not to think about Deeks.

Callen and Sam stayed there, watching everything on the plasma TV screen, and though they worried about the case and wanted to solve it as fast as they could, they were also worried about their 'baby sister'; they had never seen her so down, so sad and so hopeless. Kensi was strong, yes, but she was not unbreakable, and that's what concerned them the most.

"So how did you know him?" – Ms. Blye inquired.

"What makes you think I'm gonna talk to you?" – Stevens answered, aggressively. – "You know nothing about me… Much less about him."

"Then tell me." – Kensi muttered and Natalie didn't respond. Though, somehow, this woman's reactions were helping a lot and the female agent had just realized something. – "You two were together, weren't you?"

"You don't know what you're talking about."

"Alright, listen." – Now she was pissing Kensi off and she had had enough for one day.

"No, you don't know anything!" – Natalie was almost yelling and doing everything not to cry. – "You don't know _anything_… You have no idea…" – She spoke with a lower voice now. – "You don't know how it feels like… Not knowing what to expect from the one who supposedly loves you… Not knowing when he's gonna snap… One minute he's ok… Everything's seems good… And then the other…" – She took some seconds before continuing. – "He gets aggressive… He doesn't know who you _are_… And you don't recognize the man standing in front of you… They are not the same person…" – Natalie Stevens had to stop for a moment while tears streamed down her face. Now Kensi understood, Marcus Reynolds suffered from some kind of spontaneous and momentary memory loss, – how ironic is that? – not unusual for a Marine who saw plenty during his troubled and dangerous life. – "And when the sweet… Good… _Real _man gets back… He doesn't know how much damage he's made… He doesn't know he's hurt everyone around him… Physically… Psychologically… But that's something you can't understand."

Stevens was wrong in so many ways; Kensi knew too well what she had gone through, except that Deeks's state of loss memory was not momentary, it was way worse and it could in fact be permanent. – "Actually, I do…" – The female agent began, with emotions coming to the surface once again, emotions she had been trying to hide all day, even from her team mates and, especially, friends. – "Better than you think…" – Kensi fought against all the tears, sadness and painful sentiments that started to form in her eyes and in her heart. – "And yes… It hurts…" – Her voice was growing weaker as it got harder to look and be strong. – "In _every_… Possible way…" – The mysterious woman was listening very carefully to Kensi's words and it was being somehow cathartic.

They were finally getting somewhere, but for that Kensi had to suffer, and both Callen and Sam felt bad while witnessing this heartfelt moment between both women. They wanted her to get distracted, they couldn't take that loneliness upon her face, and now they felt guilty, especially Sam, because it had been him who told her to go in there.

"You think she can handle it?" – Asked the older agent, with 'it' meaning everything that was going on, both this unexpected situation with Natalie and Deeks's lost memory.

"Kensi is stronger than you and I together." – G. said, actually not sure if he was trying to convince his partner or himself. – "She'll be ok."

In the interrogation room, Natalie Stevens kept talking to Kensi, opening her heart. She never actually found someone who knew how she felt and she had never talked about this with anyone; this woman had a lot to get out of her chest and so did Kensi.

"He doesn't even know my name…" – The female agent muttered with the saddest tone of voice.

Fortunately, Eric interrupted the interrogation and spoke through comms; it was getting too emotional for both women inside that room. – "Guys, there's something you need to see."

Kensi didn't say another word to Natalie Stevens, she simply left, slowly, and met the other two partners while both women tried to calm down a bit and cleared their tears.

So much for getting distracted. This hadn't helped her at all, on the contrary, it had only made things worse.

"We just got the full autopsy and Tox report." – The blonde technical operator began with a concerned and serious voice.

"And?" – G. asked, sensing bad news were about to come.

Eric exhaled before continuing. – "Heroin didn't kill him." – This made the three agents frown slightly. – "Hyoscine and Desomorphine did."

"Ok, and that means…" – Said Kensi, doing everything she could to focus on the case and be as professional as always.

"Scopolamine and Krokodil." – The older agent cleared their doubts; Kensi and Callen looked at him and then to the 'Dynamic duo', waiting for an explanation.

"Which were the same substances found in Deeks's blood, but in much lower levels." – Nell muttered, calmly, because they knew it was still a very fragile subject for Kensi at the moment.

Just by hearing the word 'Deeks' her heart stopped and she shivered; flashbacks came back and Kensi revived _everything_ once again, remembering the fact that he had no pulse and the syringe lying next to his body. Whoever injected him, did not manage to use a full dose, as it had been with the former Marine, because he had run away in the middle of the process.

This, the fact that the ambulance had arrived quite quickly and also that the doctors removed these substances from his organism as fast as possible, before it could get to an irreversible ending, explained why Deeks was _fortunately _still alive.

The female agent made her point, trying to 'forget' about her recent problems and focus on this new intel. – "So what are we talking- a drug cartel?"

"Could be…" – Ms. Jones responded in a somewhat wondering tone, as if thinking about it and considering the possibility, before starting to tap incessantly on her touch pad; she was making several pictures and documents appear on it. – "Scopolamine is quite a dangerous drug, but it can be used in medicine when in small amounts. Its use is limited- only in the treatment of motion sickness or even postoperative nausea. Now the second one… Well, not so much."

"It's a Russian drug." – Sam continued the explanation. – "Eight to ten times more powerful and deadly than Heroin, though it's got a very similar structure."

"Exactly. That's why they got it wrong." – Nell spoke with her usual professional tone.

"Wait- so let me see if I got this right." – The Operation leader began, frowning slightly. – "We're looking either for a cartel or… A research lab?"

"Pretty much." – The technical operator exclaimed.

"Basically, yes." – Young Ms. Jones nodded in agreement.

G. sighed slowly and thoughtfully before muttering. – "This is huge."

All of them exchanged a look with preoccupation spread across their features. This had just got disturbing. It meant Reynolds was not a single and isolated target; whoever was behind this was probably planning on killing more people and those were terrible news.

Away from the boatshed, away from the case and away from the world. That's how Deeks felt; he hadn't move a single muscle since he had got home and lied on his couch, after his complicated conversation with Hetty that very morning. Looking at him, someone could say he had been and was thinking, but that's not in fact true.

All Deeks could see every time he closed his eyes were flashbacks, at least it was something. He wanted to think and he wanted to get over this, because it was being the most hurtful experience ever, it was hurting as hell, but those painful images of her being shot and her being killed kept invading his mind, even though not remembering _her_ at all.

Suddenly, pulling him out of his deep darkness, someone knocked at his apartment door. Deeks got on his feet and went towards it. Though it was an obvious situation, he honestly wasn't expecting to see that person in front of him. – "You?" – Inquired the blonde detective.

**The End of Chapter III**


End file.
